Cancer Selfies

James Meets a Corgi

The List Formally Known as the Remission List has a wide variety of weird and fun things to do on it. From visiting all the historic locks of the Trent-Severn Waterway, to hearing each carillon in the province (country?) play a piece, to participating in a lottery and seeing certian animals that are dear to me. And while I like moose and beaver and painted turtles, no animal was closer to my heart than the beautiful corgi.

I genuinely expected this to be an easy one. I'd be out walking, someone else in the park would have a small wiggle of corgwen. I'd ask to pet them, mark something off my list, and have a moderately better day.

Instead, I had a magical day with my new corgi friend Bennie, and the band she brought along (coming in a future entry!) catapulted the moderately better I expected from crossing off this item to one of the best days I've had in the whole of 2024 (and I got to meet Wiarton Willy this year, a life long goal of mine)

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Hospital Halls

Returning from outside for the corgi and concert with my brothers. Joseph is driving, Willy accompanying, I'm in the wheelchair, too tired to risk using my own body. Like many, I wish I'd spent more time in with my siblings, and I'm truly grateful for the time I've been able to spend with them here at the hospice.

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We All Have a Beautiful Story to Tell

September 2022, just finished chemo cycle 1, at the boardwalk on Woodland Beach in Tiny township.

August 2023, the main chunk of surgical recovery complete, I'm ready to have my autumn of adventure, exploring central Ontario. Picture taken at Science North in Sudbury, as part of a day where we honoured our grandfather by doing the activities he used to take us out for.

August 2024. Last night. Hospice Suite, St. Joseph's Hospital. I'm noticeably weaker and more tired than I was, but I still have my good moments. There's still joy to be found.

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Broth Buddies

I've said on more than one occasion that I've had nothing but teriffic luck with my interactions with the health care system. The surgeon who originally had my case in Midland took my pain complaints seriously, my medical and surgical oncologists did absolutely everything they could, and, finally, my doctor in Elliot Lake took me on as a patient the moment she got my case out of the ER.

My Elliot Lake doctor gave me my Daley, the tasty tasty noodle boy. He's my broth buddy, picked because I've been on a fluid only diet since early July (even though I'm not even really eating that, either).

I know my experience is not typical, I'm familiar with other people's horror stories. But I'm so grateful for the care I've received, and I hope we all can get what we deserve in the future.

*I'm not forgetting nurses, at least on purpose. I feel confident that my stay at Mt. Sinai would have been days longer if not for two specific nurses taking special interest in my case. Here, as a palliative patient, I have nurses who will stop by for a chat, sharing bits of their lives outside the hospital walls (children, dogs, cats, a goat, skeet shooting, a little bit of everything). It keeps me grounded and in the world. Also, the nurses do all the real labour or care, for which I cannot possibly express enough gratitude for

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King's Highway 17, Highway 108 Turnoff to Echo Beach

My last solo adventure was a trip down King's Highway 17, starting at the turnoff to Elliot Lake and ending at at Echo Bay. The destination was adding a second oversized coin to my collection, the Giant Loonie at Echo Beach (the other in my collection is the Big Nickle in Sudbury, which is much bigger and more impressive). I visited a few landmarks, got pretty lost on some backroads without any cellular coverage at all, and found some artisanal sourkraut in a valley I didn't know existed.

The only thing I can recommend without reservation from this trip is a visit to the Black Bear Cafe on St. Joseph's Island, they had the finest buttertarts I've ever purchased and a lemon bar that I somehow managed to savour over a few improbable days.

The Loonie is just off the highway, though, so if silly roadside nonsense is your thing (like it is mine), then it's an easy thing to cross off your List Formally Known as the Remission List. The sourkraut was really good, and I'm upset I don't get to finish eating it, but I have no idea how to return to that location, so it's lost to us all.

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My First Cancerversary

A Cancerversary marks the anniversary of an important event in your cancer journey. August 2nd, 2022 marks the first time a doctor uttered the word and changed the direction of my life irrevecobly.

The Cancerversary is not a celebration of diagnosis, it's about survival. Cancer is a truly monstrous thing, and marking another year with it is good and right.

For my first Cancerversary, August 2nd, 2023, my best friend Lilly Hill helped me throw a tea party for some of my favourite plush friends. There were adult drinks (which i couldn't have, its hard on a liver already harmed by the cancer), tea, cake and, finally a fire in the evening.

It was a wonderil day of whimsy and make believe, the perfect escape from a reality that can be unkind. Plus, cake!

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Cats Night at the Hospice

I've seen Cats (2019), conservatively, over 250 times. The Covid-19 layoff period was one of hyperfixation for me. Somehow, through all those viewings, my only partner was Thomasin, and I think she was more into our group watches for the quiet cuddles rather than the cinematic masterpiece.

One night in hospice we decided it was time to watch it. I was too afrade that people close to me wouldn't enjoy it that I didn't let them have the choice.

My youngest brother, Joseph, and my partner, Alicia, took the plunge with me, probably for the final time.

For me, some of the magic was gone. The warm glow of hyperfixation has long passed. I still adore the music the way I always have, still love the dedication to bisexual lighting, and still love the weird little story they crammed into a musical that did not need it. I remembered the hours I spent pouring over vintage maps of London, trying to figure out the geography of the world. After the movie was over, I listened to The Flop House Cats episode, just to draw out that feeling I'm hoping is a nontoxic nostalgia.

My partner and my brother both had a good time, too. It was fun to rehash the old talking points, all of which kind of come down to not a singe choice being made correctly during production. I don't think it'll end up on either of their top ten lists, but we were happy to share that particular bit of madness together.

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Today I Choose Life: A Cancer Eon Scrapbook

I really lucked out that the software I chose at random for my digital scrap book had a perfect cover page for me. I get to choose joy and wonder and whimsy and to experience the beautiful madness of the world because of all of you supporting me throughout the whole of my cancer journey.

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