Cancer Selfies

VLog: July 28, 2023

The brain fog is real

Good news from the urologist

Cycle 11, Day 6

Good news from the urologist - no cancer there. We didn't really suspect there would be, but solid proof is still nice to have.

Photos from the shoreline in Wasaga Beach, which has transformed into a delightful floating ice field.

A very chemo birthday

Cycle 11, Day 1

Tomorrow is my 36th birthday. Today is six months, to the day, since I learned I had cancer. Almost exactly five months since I met my oncologist and learned how serious it was. Five months since I've been off work.

I'm hanging in there. I'm almost always a bit tired, and need a lot more rest than I used to. I'm frequently cold, and even though the apartment is a very comfortable 23C I always wear a sweater. Even if I had the energy for long walks, chemo does bad things to your digestive system and I just can't be that far from a washroom.

One more cycle until we move to the next stage. It's exciting, but I'm starting to build anxiety about major surgery, and if I'll even get it. But I'll keep doing one thing at a time until it's done.

From the comments

James Petrosky: Gang, I'm just so physically and mentally exhausted by this. I wish there was a way to take a vacation from it. But I know the pain would come right back, and that's no escape.

Brain fog

Cycle 10, Day 12

I'm pretty used to 'brain fog,' it's a common symptom of my more severe depressive episodes. The cancer/chemo related brain fog isn't worse, not really, and doesn't feel fundamentally different, except that it's constant. With depression, it goes away as my mood improves. But here? It doesn't care about mood. I spent a couple weeks hypomanic and foggy, which if you asked me a year ago I'd have said was impossible. I've noticed I've had to reread and rewrite more than normal, and that my focus is worse, too.

I'm told that I can expect to start to feel normal after I'm through with chemotherapy, which isn't happening soon, but I've only two regularly scheduled cycles left.

From the comments

Britta: dunno if you already follow Jacob Sharpe, but he's a very funny comedian who had brain cancer and makes fun of the "religious/positive" cancer posts here very well. He talks about how the sugar coating, "not today cancer!"/"keep calm and fight cancer" memes are well meaning but whitewash the reality of the experience. As someone who isn't religious, I thought you might particularly find this amusing.

"If God is making up this cancer war, and I have to fight -- he's bored, and he's an asshole."

James Petrosky: Britta R. Moline I'm in the middle of an actual play right now, but I'm adding this to the list

James Petrosky (7 months later): So I forgot to add this to my playlist, and only just rediscovered it just now. And yah know what? Its probably more enjoyable to me now that I'm doomed than it would have been while going through it.