Cancer Selfies

The winter storms and chemo are conspiring

Cycle 8 Day 1

This is the most I'll I've felt in a number of cycles. Hopefully it's nothing rest won't solve, the reschedule really threw me off. I needed extra nausea medication at the chemo suite, which is a new one for me.

I'll have my take home baby bottle until Friday morning, which forces my Decemberween travel date to Saturday. Saturday, we are expecting a major winter storm. Here's hoping that the luck I'm not feeling with the chemo holds on the weather, but I'm not holding my breath.

Don't listen to podcasts about death and dying in the hospital

Cycle 7, Day 1

Today was the day I finally saw someone around my age in one of the chemo chairs. He was accompanied by another young man, around the same age. A brother? Friend? Lover? I'll never know. I hope they do well, but I know from experience that doing well is relative. It made me sad, but affected me a lot less than I thought it would.

By chance, I listened to a podcast episode about the science of death and dying while I was at the cancer centre. Friends, don't listen to podcasts about death and dying while in a hospital. It's not great for your anxiety levels, especially when you've got other anxiety inducing stuff going on, and especially especially when you're walking into a housing nightmare when you get home.

Speaking of housing nightmare, I'm spending my chemo recovery period in my partner's spare room. Thomasin is being introduced to her cat, and it's all just a stressful mess. Not at all what you need when you're recovering from, and receiving, chemotherapy.

From the comments

James Petrosky: She's come out or hiding ❤️

Sixth time to the chemo centre

Cycle 6 Day 1

In September, this was the end point. Theoretically. I was pretty sure we were going to twelve from the start, but I'm still going to celebrate this milestone.

Also, the immune boosting drug costs 1700CAD for enough to cover a full course of chemo for me (six dosages). I have no idea how much it actually costs to produce, so I have no idea if that's fair. What I know isn't fair is that people under 65 are expected to have that money (or a drug plan) or just delay their lifesaving treatment. Either way, I got lucky, I have my dose, I'm set, all I have to deal with is a needle in the belly. Which honestly sounds like a nightmare.

From the comments

James Petrosky: Me posing with my "baby bottle" take home chemotherapy. It's the bad one, the one that makes me most sick, the one that makes my mouth taste slightly terrible as long as I have it. But it gives me more good days to spend with the people that matter, doing the things I love, and petting the softest/biteiest cat I know, so it's worth it.

Easiest chemo yet

Cycle 5, Day 1

This was the easiest visit to the chemo suite yet. Even though I had a stronger negative reaction to the chemotherapy this time than any of the other cycles. And, upon returning home, I didn't immediately crash. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like trash and wouldn't ever want this in any other situation, but it's nice to have not lost a full day this time.

The normal and the surreal

Cycle 4 Day 1

Another day, another visit to the chemo suite. It's astounding the things that can become routine. I've got the prep down, I know exactly when to leave home so I spend almost no time in the waiting room (the last two times they were looking for me within minutes of check in). I know when to ask for the injection for the hot flash side effects. I can time my second washroom trip so that I'm not connected to IVs and can walk feely and unencumbered. I know exactly how to set up my apartment for maximum comfort for both me and Thomasin. It's all routine. It's all normal. It's very surreal.

From the comments

James Petrosky: My moods have been a mess the past week or so, this was emotionally the hardest visit since the first. This is my life now, and it's really hard to accept.

Philip: It's really strange how people can adapt to these things. How long does your regimen usually take? Do you try to doze or do you have some activity to distract yourself?

James Petrosky: Its been pretty consistantly 2.5 hours from entering to leaving the hospital. I bring my phone and Switch to occupy myself, I haven't dozed yet because its an hour drive home and I want to be alert, and because I spend the next two days dozing. Lots of the other patients sleep, though, I assume their drug cocktails have stronger side effects.

James Petrosky: Nurse Thomasin reporting for duty (she's very, very content right now ❤️)

Cycle two

Cycle 2, Day 1

It was so much easier this time.

The bottle is gone

Cycle 1, Day 3

The chemo bottle has been removed. It was good to get out of the apartment, and I'm going to need to balance getting out with how low I feel on days 1-3. I wasn't going to get Tomara, but I take frequent emergency washroom breaks, now, and the mall in Barrie has the cleanest washrooms with the lowest human density (fast food is much much more crowded). Anyways, this charmer called to me and I have poor impulse control.

The next one I'm allowed to get for myself is after the end of the sixth cycle.

I wanted to post more, but my hydro's been out since early this afternoon and I don't have the light to do it. Tomorrow, perhaps.

The first chemo bottle day

Cycle 1, Day 2

I still have my take home bottle of chemo, it'll be removed late tomorrow morning. I'm not sure which of the drugs caused it, but I threw up last night. I've mostly slept since all day, but did get to see my parents before they returned to Northern Ontario for a few days. I had three phone calls (two followup, one scheduled) and I'm exhausted.

From the comments

James Petrosky: The bathroom of a chemotherapy patient is considered potentially hazardous. Other humans can use it so long as they follow a few ground rules, but animals are not allowed in.

Some animals are extremely offended at this

James Petrosky: I tried to capture it, but the lighting wasn't great, the dark blue pouch on my torso attacked to the belt I bought in Peru over a decade ago (and finally found its use) is the chemo bottle. It's a lot less of a pain than I thought it would be, the only slight challenge is keeping Thomasin away from a fun fun springy hose. She's been good, though.

The first visit to the chemo suite

Cycle 1, Day 1

I expected that to be a lot worse.