Cancer Selfies

A day late but safe

Cycle 8 Day 6

I'm happy to report I can still physically cope with long trips. The weather was pretty rough for the first leg, but it wasn't too physically or mentally taxing and I was able to finally make the trip home.

A thirteen day cycle

Cycle 4 Day 13

This is the last day of this cycle. I had my chemo day moved forward to Wednesdays so I only have to travel ten minutes to get disconnected instead of forty (or wait for an hour in an increasingly Covid-19 filled emergency room).

It's frustrating, but also obvious, that other health problems don't take a break just because you're getting treated for cancer. My mental health has been full of ups and downs this cycle - mostly ups, which you're forgiven if you think is better or easier. It's not, hypomania is truly unpleasant. My sleep has been erratic, and I need much more and more constant sleep now than I have in decades. And my appetite has been strong, which isn't all bad, weight loss is a common symptom of both colon cancer and chemotherapy, but one of the drugs in my chemotherapy really messes up my digestion and makes it much, much easier to overeat at a time when I'm prone to overeating or eating too quickly. It's all manageable, but instead of how good I was feeling back in cycles 2 and 3, I'm now constantly in some discomfort, physically and mentally.

This, too, is why I've been taking no pictures and sharing no posts. My brain is too flighty and unfocused. But it's nothing to be too concerned about. It's normal for me to have these episodes, even though I'm properly medicated. It will end soon, and I'll be back to my new, profoundly strange, normal.

From the comments

Ron: Any concern the altered digestion will affect medication uptake?

James Petrosky: I take my chemotherapy intravenously, so at the very least the most important medications will be unaffected. It might slow the uptake of lithium a bit, but since it takes a few weeks to get to a theraputic level in your blood, I don't think its something to worry about. The thing I'm more worried about is that one of the drugs I take for chemotherapy side effects can trigger manic episodes in bipolar people.

James Petrosky: But its a good question to add to my list next time I see my oncologist

Ron: I hope those potential side effects don't appear or are at least mild.

The normal and the surreal

Cycle 4 Day 1

Another day, another visit to the chemo suite. It's astounding the things that can become routine. I've got the prep down, I know exactly when to leave home so I spend almost no time in the waiting room (the last two times they were looking for me within minutes of check in). I know when to ask for the injection for the hot flash side effects. I can time my second washroom trip so that I'm not connected to IVs and can walk feely and unencumbered. I know exactly how to set up my apartment for maximum comfort for both me and Thomasin. It's all routine. It's all normal. It's very surreal.

From the comments

James Petrosky: My moods have been a mess the past week or so, this was emotionally the hardest visit since the first. This is my life now, and it's really hard to accept.

Philip: It's really strange how people can adapt to these things. How long does your regimen usually take? Do you try to doze or do you have some activity to distract yourself?

James Petrosky: Its been pretty consistantly 2.5 hours from entering to leaving the hospital. I bring my phone and Switch to occupy myself, I haven't dozed yet because its an hour drive home and I want to be alert, and because I spend the next two days dozing. Lots of the other patients sleep, though, I assume their drug cocktails have stronger side effects.

James Petrosky: Nurse Thomasin reporting for duty (she's very, very content right now ❤️)

Avastin, again

Cycle 3, Day 8

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I threw up today. Quite a few times. But it was an overall good day. Never in my life did I expect to be here, but life can be strange sometimes.

This cycle we added a new drug to my chemotherapy cocktail. I'd been on something called Folfiri, which is a mixture of three drugs used to treat stage four colon cancer (and probably other things, too). This time we added a drug called Avastin. Avastin is used to treat a wider variety of cancers, and, very generally, acts to restrict blood vessels to tumors.

However, none of these drugs are targeted. And Avastin has some wicked side effects. I've had crippling headaches all week, and I suspect that my recent vomiting is also related. Happily, I have an appointment with my symptom management doctor next week, so I'm certain we'll be able to either resolve, or at least make manageable, these side effects.

Feeling good five days after chemo

Cycle 1, Day 5

On day 5 I finally felt good enough to actually do stuff. It's wild to walk out of Canadian Tire and feel "yes, that was a pleasant trip that I both needed to take and did not make me feel upset in any way".

My apartment has never had a number on it, which has suited my desire for privacy, but not being monstrous to home care nurses ranks pretty high on my list of desires.

Plus! The weather today is extremely late summer/early fall and the breeze is perfect. I might take a picnic to the water if the weather holds.

I still feel a little sick, like I could throw up, but not like it's iminant. I'm getting used to it, but I'm feeling unwell most of the time. I don't think I can enjoy apple anymore, at least for a while, which is a pain because apple sause is one of the main foods recommended for this sort of queesy feeling in general, and especially for chemo patients.

From the comments

James Petrosky: Eff it, it's a bit cool out (newly repaired thermometer reads 21.7C) but I've got the body fat to sit outside in the shade (one of the chemotherapy drugs makes you very photosensitive so it has to be the shade) so bonus recreation of an earlier profile pic

What is a PICC?

Once installed, a Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter (PICC) line must be cleaned by a qualified medical professional once a week. Since in hospital chemotherapy appointments happen every two weeks, they arrange a home care nurse to visit during the off week to clean and maintain it. Here you see me, once again outside the laundromat, after having a long difficult conversation, detailing my whole medical history, just exhausted by the crushing reality of it all.

Three more days.

(My arm's up all goofy because my seat is leaned back to about 45 degrees, because of the abdominal pain, and there just wasn't much else to do with it.)

Introducing Nessie

"Do you want a gift receipt"

"No I am an adult and me and my new friend Nessie are going home to watch monster movies together"

From the comments

James Petrosky: Things you wish you said after the situation is over.

James Petrosky: We are going to take T3s and watch monster movies, though. Obviously Chip and Thomasin will be there, too.

James Petrosky: I wasn't sure this was the right one in the store, but turning around and seeing her smiling face tells me it was.

James Petrosky: My deal with myself is that every major cancer milestone I get to add something silly and cute to my plush collection. Today it was almost a giant Bulbasaur, but Nessie was a lot softer

New friend!

I adopted a new friend

First day at work post-covid

This was written on September 4th, 2022

First day back after Covid-19, unaware of diagnoses yet