Cancer Selfies

Wednesday July 17, 2024

Hospice

Hospice Suite. St. Joseph's General Hospital, Elliot Lake, Ontario.

The hospice suite is my home now. I've been in treatment for a partial bowel obstruction for a few weeks. For a while, it was promising, but then things turned, and the word hospice was uttered more and more regularly.

I have thoughts about many things, about how we talk about people as having lost their battle with cancer (you do you, but it's not for me), the ubiquity of Fuck Cancer bumper stickers (you do you, not for me) and even my own cancer as a seige (I like it more than a battle, but ultimately it shares the same problem). I can't stand the hushed tones and terror in our voices, as though it was some cheap fantasy villian.

All I've got, after two years of treatment and surgeries and hospital stays and mounds of medications and so much vomiting is the slowed down, minor key, horror movie trailer cover of Abba's Waterloo. Something fun and wonderful turned terrible, terrible but somehow compelling.

I intend to remain in hospice for the majority of the remainder of my life. I would love to see people. Lots of people. The celebration of life that will follow my passing will be a smaller, quieter affair, to reflect the wishes and needs of my family.

The Hospice Suite is located at St. Joseph's General Hospital in Elliot Lake, Ontario. 70 Spine Lake Road. Visiting hours are listed as 11AM-7PM, but staff have been really flexible with us so far.

Elliot Lake is two hours from either Sudbury or Sault St. Marie, has one hotel (Hampton Inn, it's nice), there are highway side motels (varying quality) and some options in Blind River (40 minutes away).

Because of disease progression, and especially the amount of painkillers I'm on, I don't have as much internet energy as I used to. I'm trying to read everything as I can, but I won't be able to respond as I used to. It's just the nature of my Waterloo.

I love you all, you've meant so much to me for as long as I've known all of you, and especially for the last two years.

PS the hospice is animal friendly, so you might get to meet an orange cat (but she's been anxious, so we might leave her at home)

PPS this is a catholic hospital, and that's a complicated question for the healthy to debate, I'm not interested in that debate, any discussion of religion (I'll fist bump and share a Coke over some forms of annihilation) and any discussion of politics.

PPPS I don't know how long I have.

Welcome to the St. Joseph's Hospital hospice suite (3rd floor, we'll signed from entrence, visitors welcome). My new home. Featuring my new best friends my IV pump, nose tube (we've made up our differences and found similarities - a love of slushies the big one so far) and, timidly hiding in the background, the vacuum pump that powers the tube. Being an electromagnetical device, we got on famously right away.

Hospice suite! This time featuring my final (present) medical friend, the pain pump. The pain pump lives in the black bag, has an IV to my upper leg. It semi constantly pumps hydromorphone into my system (with super fun bonuses as I need them). It's the real star of the show, I'd be in crippling agony without it.

Hanging out in my room

The sunset was magnificent, but you get to look at me

One of my old hospital rooms (the tube and I are friends here)

July 9th discharge excitement! No nose tube! (we haven't made friends yet)

July 6th. Second trip to emerge. The injection wore off and the pills weren't doing it (combination of intensity of pain, strength of pills, and that my digestive system is on shambles). I was admitted for a partial bowel obstruction. It was a repeat of April, moving from an IV diet to a clear fluids diet. We stopped at that, I was discharged, with instructions on how to complete the cycle back to normal. We we're discharged on the 9th. Early the next morning I would throw up again, the previous day's everything visible (easy when you eat juice and jello only). The obstruction was back.

July 5fh. The last time I had solid food. First trip to emergency for some pretty extreme pain. We thought it was extreme constipation (and might have been). We got some better painkillers and went home. I was very high, Tim. Hortons made some terrible drinks (I generally like their fruity fun time beverages). I threw up. Probably the painkillers, but we'll blame Timmie's.

The night before Alberta leg zero (Elliot Lake to Midland to pick up Alicia. The last and only leg)

Hanging with the kitty cat before it all went down

Serpent River rest stop, a few weeks ago. This is the last time I remember feeling mostly okay.

Serpent River

From the comments

There were many kind responses to this post. I don't have the heart to go throuhg them again. The scrapbook records them.

Consider donating to St Joseph's Hospital in Elliot Lake, they do excellent work for a small community. They're working on improving their oncology area, which is very close to my heart. These improvements will allow more patients to recieve their treatment in the community they live in, rather than traveling two hours each way to the nearest cancer centre.

If you want to keep your money closer to home, then please consider donating to a hospice. The one here has given me and my family so much joy and comfort in a very difficult time in our lives time. I don't think I'd still feel as alive and vibrant, and I would not still be creating, without the care this hospice provides. Hospice is a gift we all deseve at our appointed hour.

posted at 21:03  ·   ·  Post Treatmen  End Stage  Little Hair  Brown Hair  Long Beard  Elliot Lake  Hospice  St. Joseph Regional Hospital