Hospice Suite. St. Joseph's General Hospital, Elliot Lake, Ontario.
The hospice suite is my home now. I've been in treatment for a partial bowel obstruction for a few weeks. For a while, it was promising, but then things turned, and the word hospice was uttered more and more regularly.
I have thoughts about many things, about how we talk about people as having lost their battle with cancer (you do you, but it's not for me), the ubiquity of Fuck Cancer bumper stickers (you do you, not for me) and even my own cancer as a seige (I like it more than a battle, but ultimately it shares the same problem). I can't stand the hushed tones and terror in our voices, as though it was some cheap fantasy villian.
All I've got, after two years of treatment and surgeries and hospital stays and mounds of medications and so much vomiting is the slowed down, minor key, horror movie trailer cover of Abba's Waterloo. Something fun and wonderful turned terrible, terrible but somehow compelling.
I intend to remain in hospice for the majority of the remainder of my life. I would love to see people. Lots of people. The celebration of life that will follow my passing will be a smaller, quieter affair, to reflect the wishes and needs of my family.
The Hospice Suite is located at St. Joseph's General Hospital in Elliot Lake, Ontario. 70 Spine Lake Road. Visiting hours are listed as 11AM-7PM, but staff have been really flexible with us so far.
Elliot Lake is two hours from either Sudbury or Sault St. Marie, has one hotel (Hampton Inn, it's nice), there are highway side motels (varying quality) and some options in Blind River (40 minutes away).
Because of disease progression, and especially the amount of painkillers I'm on, I don't have as much internet energy as I used to. I'm trying to read everything as I can, but I won't be able to respond as I used to. It's just the nature of my Waterloo.
I love you all, you've meant so much to me for as long as I've known all of you, and especially for the last two years.
PS the hospice is animal friendly, so you might get to meet an orange cat (but she's been anxious, so we might leave her at home)
PPS this is a catholic hospital, and that's a complicated question for the healthy to debate, I'm not interested in that debate, any discussion of religion (I'll fist bump and share a Coke over some forms of annihilation) and any discussion of politics.
PPPS I don't know how long I have.
Welcome to the St. Joseph's Hospital hospice suite (3rd floor, we'll signed from entrence, visitors welcome). My new home. Featuring my new best friends my IV pump, nose tube (we've made up our differences and found similarities - a love of slushies the big one so far) and, timidly hiding in the background, the vacuum pump that powers the tube. Being an electromagnetical device, we got on famously right away.
Hospice suite! This time featuring my final (present) medical friend, the pain pump. The pain pump lives in the black bag, has an IV to my upper leg. It semi constantly pumps hydromorphone into my system (with super fun bonuses as I need them). It's the real star of the show, I'd be in crippling agony without it.
Hanging out in my room
The sunset was magnificent, but you get to look at me
One of my old hospital rooms (the tube and I are friends here)
July 9th discharge excitement! No nose tube! (we haven't made friends yet)
July 6th. Second trip to emerge. The injection wore off and the pills weren't doing it (combination of intensity of pain, strength of pills, and that my digestive system is on shambles). I was admitted for a partial bowel obstruction. It was a repeat of April, moving from an IV diet to a clear fluids diet. We stopped at that, I was discharged, with instructions on how to complete the cycle back to normal.
We we're discharged on the 9th. Early the next morning I would throw up again, the previous day's everything visible (easy when you eat juice and jello only). The obstruction was back.
July 5fh. The last time I had solid food. First trip to emergency for some pretty extreme pain. We thought it was extreme constipation (and might have been). We got some better painkillers and went home. I was very high, Tim. Hortons made some terrible drinks (I generally like their fruity fun time beverages). I threw up. Probably the painkillers, but we'll blame Timmie's.
The night before Alberta leg zero (Elliot Lake to Midland to pick up Alicia. The last and only leg)
Hanging with the kitty cat before it all went down
Serpent River rest stop, a few weeks ago. This is the last time I remember feeling mostly okay.
Serpent River
From the comments
Susan J. E. Ritta: Sending you peace and comfort. We connected through podcasts and I'm so grateful for it. ❤
Jamie Piedmont Murgatroyd Teller: You got your Squishmallows with you?
Amber Andersen: My friend, it has been an honor and a privilege to witness your Waterloo. I wish you peace and comfort in your final days, and I'll be posting some doggo and catto pix here shortly. I adore you.
Tess Sullivan: ❤
Anthony Daley Di Poce: Both of my fuzzy-kin say hi. I'll miss you and your posts. Thank you again for your digital friendship.
Park Parkison: Hugs from an orange cat.
Marion Quigley: Jim thanks for sharing and being so open about your life and your cancer story. You have an amazing ability to tell your story and always look at the bright side. Even though I haven’t seen you in years I feel I know you. Jim Quigley grew up with your dad and I worked with your mom and we became great friends. They made 3 wonderful sons together. We are living in Ottawa right now so can’t visit you but know that we will be there for your parents always!
Love Jim and Marion
Garrett Harer: Hey bud, thank you so much for sharing your journey over the last couple of years. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and wish it was feasible to pop on by to see you (and let's be honest, the cat). 🖤
Ashleigh Latimer: James do you think we could do a video call one day? I don't think I'd get as far as Elliot lake. If you can't that's alright too. We will figure out something
Christianne Manzano: Shumai and I send our love.
Stefanie Culp: GingerSnapz and I send you lots of love on this leg of your journey. I’m glad a certain orange friend might be able to come visit you.
Gillian Bradford: You’re a stranger but you’re not. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with this rando from Oregon. My earliest memory of you in my FB world was a picture of an orange cat in your house with a caption saying something along the lines of “I don’t have a cat.” Cats are good judges of character, and she knew you were a safe and good place to land. So much love to you. 💗
Dayna Normand: Thinking of you James!
Laura Caputo: I think of you every time I see a goose meme. I am sending feisty goose thoughts and my cat says hi 💜
Dawn Gildenmeister: I’m so grateful for you and what you’ve shared out to all of us. Thank you again for this friendship 💗 much love to you and yours from these two little friends as well.
Juha Heikkilä: I really wish I could come and see you. Unfortunately I do not have pictures to send you right now, but I'm sending you love and kindness and everything I can. You are amazing and I'm thankful that you've shared your story with us.
Alex Schroeder: Sending love from Artemis and DVa
Elysia Yardley: I really want to commend you for your courage in sharing your journey with us. You have shown resilience, humour, strength, and I’m so grateful to have become internet friends. I live in toronto but I would be happy to send you a little something? I’m also here if you want to talk. Sending you so much love and a picture of Zoey
Eva Bowering:
I've been laying sage and tobacco down for you everyday (for what it's worth). You are such a great friend. If I can get up North somehow I'd visit in a heart beat. I know others have said this but thank you always for sharing and allowing us into your world 🌎 ❤️
Stephanie Phillips Lee: Know that someone very far away is thinking of you and wishing we could meet in person. I’m always happy to to see you pop up in my threads. Here’s a silly pup.
Norman Tremblay: Thanks for the update James. I love you and I'm thinking of you. 💜
Benjamin Jones: Sending love and fluff
Llama Mattingley: Beeb wishes he could visit! Sending you all the best vibes 💜
Soun Lee: To the tune of your Waterloo and goose honks. May you be in peace and comfort, I know you must have had a solid rock collection back there and got out and saw some of those slabs. 🫡
Janet Dorion: We are working on a plan to get there
Cecelia Morelli: James I’ve been thinking about you so much the last few days. When a movie will pop into my head or when I am simply sitting and loving on my cat. I think of you and how you have become this person in my little world by some accident of internet groups and shared interests and cats. I think you are so wonderful and I’m so glad to know you even in this seemingly small way. Would it be possible to send you something in the mail? A letter or card or something? I want to send you some art
Anne Marie Newman: Sending so much love. It’s been wonderful getting to internet know you this last year or so. 💚💚💚
Jeremy Simington: Safe journeys, James. These goood boys are greeters on the other side of the rainbow bridge.
Owen Devonshire: Take care, brother. It’s been great to know you all these years even in this limited way. Here’s a couple of my pups.
Katie Bryan: Sending you all the raccoons and opossums you can possibly stand. I have loved getting to know you all of these years. Safe travels my friend ❤️
James Petrosky: Sleepy albino raccoon is an important nap spirit for us all
Tara Kraft: I finally found a table runner I really liked for my dining room table. Duh, it's made of jute, my cats love it too. As far as they are concerned, I just turned the dining table into a giant cat bed. It's theirs now. Don't judge me.
Sarah Hohman: Kalan caught mid-bath. Whatever the future holds for you, your strength has inspired a lot of people. And I'm sure you haven't felt strong all the time. I'm sure you've had breakdowns and struggles and emotions I can't even imagine. But you've faced everything with humor and clear eyes and resolve and Kalan and I have nothing but love and respect for you.
Emilie Victoria: Picture of a baby baboon from African lion safari last week for you ❤️ thinking of you and praying for you, James. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Sending so much love to you.
Emilie Victoria: And who doesn’t love giraffes!! 🦒
Lan L.: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Mica Richard: Thinking of you with love
Sam Selby: It's been a pleasure getting to know you, even just over Facebook. You're a really good person, James, and your presence will be missed greatly. 💖🪿🦝
Tom Bisby: I'm sorry I never got to know you better after the mutual interest in podcasts. You always seem like such a fun, interesting person when I see you in my lurking and I was always a bit shy to talk. Wishing you the best from myself and Simmy in the UK
Geoffrey Lee: Hey James, I've been missing you from Kitchener. I remember all the good times we had on our random beer nights and hanging out.
I have been following on Facebook, and I love that you've been living your fullest that could be. I will miss you James.
Steph Nelson: This is Milo. He belongs to the kid of the guy who runs the local coffee shop, so he was hanging out there when I took a shortcut through the shop earlier. Human pictured is my coworker.
Steph Nelson: Lily got caught trying to break into my plant closet
Steph Nelson: I appreciate you and your openness, James. I love your personality and your way with words. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. ❤️
Peter Tremblay: We hope to see you this weekend Jimmy. ❤️
Rina Haenze: Every time I see a goose, I think of you. Sending love from me, Garak, and all the geese I see when I walk past the lake every few days (there's a polycule! 2 females, one male, all raising a small family together every spring).
Brennan Moline: Beau and I send endless love. We will watch Cats, and look at water fowl, and appreciate squishy orange cats, and nod at lessons on the geosphere (you can tell how much we have to learn), and think of you.
Thank you for sharing your truth, your journey, your physicality, your voice. You are among the best people I've met yet in my life.
Grace Tomczak: Sending you as many positive thoughts as possible. You made an impact on me and I will always think of you whenever my eyes land on a goose.
Beth Theyba: You welcomed me into the LGBTQ+ Flopsters group and helped me feel like I belong. Like many who have posted, when I geese (also sometimes ducks) I think of you and how welcoming you are as a person. Thank you for sharing your life with so many people, including me.
Laura Brzezinski: Some Geese in Blind river on sat. 😁
Anne Marie Newman: Thinking of you. 🩵🩵🩵
Laura Labedz: Hugs ❤ I'm glad I've gotten to know you over the past couple years. I'm thinking of you and hoping you have a peaceful time in hospice.
Kate Lux: You're someone I wish I could have met in person. I'll keep sending you goose (and occasionally duck) related things for as long as you've got left. And I'll remember you every time I see geese.
Melodie Younce: this is millo, an italian dog who sat next to me while i ate pizza
Ryan McGill: Chimichanga and Dr. Jack Claw, PYT wish you the best. So do I. Thanks for being my friend.
Heather Reller: Buddy sends his love
Tammy Raposo: James Petrosky,
When I think back to our high school era, it's with admiration. Your intelligence and wit was simply beautiful! I always admired you! You just understood things. On top of all else, your courage, bravery, vulnerability and grace through this journey is something I've never seen before and I thank you for teaching us.
My brain can't seem to remember much details of high school (& I account that to "mom" brain right now), but we had many good laughs hanging out at Jenny's and Nelson's basement, or hitting up the theater in Timmins for Harry Potter? I think that was the last time we hung out!
You were the logic behind any adventure! I can hear you calmly saying "oh boy!" just before our misadventures sliding down the Chapleau High School hill.
I have such gratitude of the friendships we had in one of the most transitional times growing up.
You are an inspiration and for that, thank you, for being you.
Joe Laf: Jimmy, you are an inspiration. I think about you everyday buddy, I wish I was half as brave as you! ❤
Mica Richard: Melted cat or big black slug trying to merge with the tree? (that slightly shiny point on the bottom is her nose)
Consider donating to St Joseph's Hospital in Elliot Lake, they do excellent work for a small community. They're working on improving their oncology area, which is very close to my heart. These improvements will allow more patients to recieve their treatment in the community they live in, rather than traveling two hours each way to the nearest cancer centre.
If you want to keep your money closer to home, then please consider donating to a hospice. The one here has given me and my family so much joy and comfort in a very difficult time in our lives time. I don't think I'd still feel as alive and vibrant, and I would not still be creating, without the care this hospice provides. Hospice is a gift we all deseve at our appointed hour.
