Cancer Selfies

Aug 13, 2023

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Aug 12, 2023

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Aug 11, 2023

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Aug 10, 2023

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Aug 09, 2023

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Aug 08, 2023

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Aug 08, 2023

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Touring Northern Ontario

Last Thursday, the 3rd, I met with my oncologist to plan when I'd restart treatment. My blood counts have never been particularly useful (even though I have advanced disease, they've never been above the cutoff point where we'd start to worry about them), but they're still lower than when I started treatment a year ago. The CT scan showed no new tumors in the scan area (I think head and legs are outside, and we know the pelvic area isn't imagable), including in lungs, liver, and bones. The existing appendix tumor remains, but is still around the size it was. It's difficult to image the diffuse tumor on the fatty layer that protects the abdominal organs, so there are still unknowns, but we've decided to delay our decision for a few months. This means they in late September and early October, I'll be doing the same round of tests again to see if I need treatment then. This is fantastic news for my incision, which will get the time to heal properly for sure now.

Over the weekend my partner and I traveled to Elliot Lake to attend a family reunion/baby shower in Espanola. Nearly everyone was there, including the enormous and adorable baby, and it was a fantastic time. I didn't realize how much more recovery I had to do, though, I've never been so tired from sitting in the shade all day.

This need for further recovery was repeated Sunday, when my partner and one or my brothers had a tourist day in and around Elliot Lake, and Monday at Science North. Eight months of treatment that saps your strength, followed by a surgery that steals your endurance, and two months of lying around trying not to harm an incision take nearly everything out of you. At least I have two more months to recover.

A man short hair and bushy facial hair sits in the passenger seat of a moving car

Traveling North on Highway 400/69, north of Parry Sound, where the good outcrops are.

A man short hair and bushy facial hair high fives a large fluffy black bear statue

Bear friend at the North West Trading Company in Espanola, Ontario

A man short hair and bushy facial hair scratches the chin of a large fluffy black bear statue

Bear friend likes the same things that poodles like

A man short hair and bushy facial hair stands next to a smaller bear statue

Additional bear friend, at the Trading Post on Serpent River First Nation

A man short hair and bushy facial pets a deer statue

Deer also like what poodles like, tourist centre at Elliot Lake turnoff

A man short hair and bushy facial hair pretends to hold a baby deer statue

Baby deer

A man short hair and bushy facial hair stands in front of a giant atom sculpture, scratching his chin ponderously

My first giant roadside statue. By far the largest, in terms of magnification, I'll ever see. Elliot Lake's Atom Statue, on Highway 108 in Elliot Lake

A man short hair and bushy facial hair stands in next to a sculpture of a minter

A miner, next to the atom statue

A man short hair and bushy facial hair stands in a lookout structure looking over Elliot Lake

The view from the lookout point in Elliot Lake

A man short hair and bushy facial hair stands in front of an old radio tower

The wiring on this old tower is suspect, but probably fine

A photo stand-in with two faces, one the man who appears in all the photos, they appear to be making cotton candy for a small black bear

My brother and I, not entirely sure what we're doing in the art though

A blury photo of a man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair standing in green light

Inside the Science North dinosaur exhibition, Sudbury, Ontario

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair standing in front of a skull (which he forgot to identify)

I forgot what sort of skull this is 😮

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a triceratops skull

Triceratops so big

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a brontosaurus animatronic neck and head

I loved the lighting almost as much as the dinosaurs

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a carnotaurus animatronic

Carnotaurus's face so flat

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a tyranosaurus animatronic

T-Rex is perfection

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a solid rock tunnel face

Science North is built into the bedrock of the Southern Province of the Canadian shield (2.5 billion years old) and shows evidence of the impact that created the Sudbury basin. These shatter cones are visible as far away as Espanola, Ontario

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a tree with a porcupine in it, inside the science centre

Porcupine in the tree ❤️

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a window with a bedrock outcrop and lake visible in it

Another view of the bedrock

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a beluga whale skeleton, which appears to be his size, but is larger in reality

Beluga whale Skeleton. Beluga whales are surprisingly small

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of the porcupine, but from a higher floor than the last photo

I really liked this porcupine, and the beaver was resting in its lodge for most of my visit

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing next to a cardboard cut out of Christ Hadfield in a space suit

I don't have a lot of heroes, but Chris Hadfield is about as close as it gets

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a fin whale skeleton, suspended fron the ceiling, it stretches down through several floors of the building

Fin whales, however, are huge (this Skeleton covers three stories of the building)

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing with a large set of moose antlers on his head, they are as wide as he is tall

Moose cosplay would be exhausting

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing in front of a hard rock tunnel looking contented

I just really like rocks, okay?

A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is holding a lanky brown tabby kitten, the kitten is squirming

My brother's new cat, Ollie

From the comments

James Petrosky: Anyways, this trip crossed The Atom, three trading posts and Science North off my todo list (which is a physical list on real paper in an actual notebook now (it has a dog in a doughnut on the cover). Meeting the baby was the purpose of the trip, but some light multitasking is good

I did not hold the baby because I was exhausted by the time I arrived and he likes to kick, which would have been bad for my incision. I hope I'll be able to rectify this soon

James Petrosky: I forgot to include the best dinosaur 😮 A man with a ball cap and bushy facial hair is standing next to a stegosaurus skeleton

 ·Tags:  Surgical Recovery  Short Hair  Thin Hair  Brown Hair  Long Beard  Espanola  Serpent River  Elliot Lake  Sudbury  Science North

Aug 07, 2023

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Aug 06, 2023

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Aug 03, 2023

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Aug 02, 2023

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First Cancerversary Video

On the second of August, 2022, I learned that I had cancer. Its now the second of August, 2023, and I'm throwing my First Cancerversary party. A Cancerversary marks an important date in the progression of your illness, good or bad. Starting treatment, a surgical date, the date you went into remission, or the date the cancer came back are all things I think we should be celebrating. Not because a bad thing happened to us, but because we are still here to experience it.

My 1st Cancerversary is a celebration of joy, life and survival (with a touch of death thrown in as a treat for me).

There is a diary post to go with this video.

 ·Tags:  Surgical Recovery  Short Hair  Thin Hair  Brown Hair  Long Beard  Video  Balm Beach  Squishmallows  Cancerversary  Lily

Aug 02, 2023

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Aug 02, 2023

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First Cancerversary

One year ago today, I recieved a somewhat unexpected call from a surgian I'd been seeing about a mysterious, but monstrous, pain I'd been having on the right side of my abdomen. She had figured out the likely cause of my pain. It was cancer. I don't remember much else about that day, don't remember when doctors started using phrases like "stage four" and "high grade". I know that instead of waiting weeks for an ultrasound and months for a CT scan like I had for the diagnostic stage, I had both scheduled by the morning of the 5th to confirm what we now all feared to be true. August 2nd of that year was one of the worst days of my life (September 2nd of that year, when I first met my oncologist is also pretty bad, and June 9th of this year is worse).

August 2nd, 2023 is not like 2022. I've come much too far, underwent way too many unpleasant, painful and nauseating procedures, for that. I'm not here to tell a story I've already told, to dwell in much worse times. We're here to continue our stories. To live, be joyful, experience whimsy, to pet cats. To live in the best way the fates allow.

August 2nd, 2023 is my First Cancerversary. It's an idea that's been rattling around in my head since late June that was as fun to do as I hoped it might be. It's a celebration of life, of survival, and of joy. With the surgical recovery and a few other things going on in my life, I couldn't have a real party with human guests. But I've got big ideas for next year, because birthdays may feel less impressive and meaningful every year (they aren't though), marking time with cancer becomes exponentially more important and noteworthy with every passing year.

I don't want anyone to think this is just making the best of a bad situation, or that I'm putting on a smiling mask, or anything like that. I am genuinely joyous and excited about this. I did originally intend it as more of a silly joke than where I ended up, which is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted after two long days of work. I'm left with a bittersweet feeling, which feels right, and feeling anything after over a decade of mental health struggles is fantastic.

A cake with white icing and green decoration, the text "1st Cancerversary" has been written on it A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat sits on the ground in front of a patio set hosting a stuffed animal patio party, Photo 1 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat sits on the ground in front of a patio set hosting a stuffed animal patio party, Photo 2 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat sits on the ground in front of a patio set hosting a stuffed animal patio party, Photo 3 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat sits on the ground in front of a patio set hosting a stuffed animal patio party, Photo 5 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat sits on the ground in front of a patio set hosting a stuffed animal patio party, Photo 5 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat sits on the ground in front of a patio set hosting a stuffed animal patio party, Photo 5 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat has joined stuffed animal patio party, Photo 1 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat has joined stuffed animal patio party, Photo 2 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat has joined stuffed animal patio party, Photo 3 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat has is cutting a white and green frosted cake at a stuffed animal patio party, Photo 1 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat has is cutting a white and green frosted cake at a stuffed animal patio party, Photo 2 A man with facial hair and a felt sun hat has is standing with a pink dinosaur plush at a stuffed animal patio party A man with facial hair stands in front of a stuffed animal campfire, Gengar is visible in the background A man with facial hair stands in front of a stuffed animal campfire, the photo is taken from above and his head blocks the fire, four stuffed animals are visible A man with facial hair wears a grey hoodie and a glow-stick circlet A man with facial hair wears a grey hoodie and a glow-stick circlet and holds a large Ikea Shark, Photo 1 A man with facial hair wears a grey hoodie and a glow-stick circlet and holds a large Ikea Shark, Photo 2

From the comments

James Petrosky: Part of the reason this took so long is that there's a video, too. I'm happy with the result. I've been making short daily videos for a few weeks now, too. It's nice to have something to pass the time.

 ·Tags:  Surgical Recovery  Short Hair  Thin Hair  Brown Hair  Long Beard  Balm Beach  Squishmallow  Cancerversary

Aug 01, 2023

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