Cancer Selfies

Science North - Main Hall

Summer 2023, the whole of my mother's side of the family got together for a baby shower for one of my cousins. My brothers and I (along with partners) decided to extend the weekend into our own celebration of life for our maternal grandfather.

When we were much younger, my grandparents would take us to Science North, a science centre in Sudbury, Ontario. We'd usually take in a show, his term for any film, but in this context an Imax nature documentary, we'd occasionally visit the exhibition space, especially if there was a dinosaur exhibit (I never grew out of my dinosaur phase) and finally we'd explore the main hall and all its wonders.

The main hall has largely remained unchanged since I was a child. The stairs in the main hall are dominated by a magnificent fin whale Skeleton. There's geology exhibits (and the whole site is built into a mighty fine geological exhibit, the Canadian Shield). Other highlights include local wildlife, including a stunner of a porcupine, turtles, bat's an a collection of insects. We didn't take in any of the short shows or interactive activities aimed at children, but did spend some time in the butterfly room, where I, still recovering from chemotherapy after months off, enjoyed the extra heat and humidity.

After we were done enjoying our healthy nostalgia, celebrating our grandparents in a way that I will always most associate with them, we took a swing by Jak's Diner in New Sudbury to relive a powerful food memory I have. In the case of science North, I found the memory enjoyable to play in. With Jak's, even though nothing had seemingly changed, the strands of nostalgia escaped me, and while the food was good, it wasn't the same. It was an interesting lesson in nostalgia for me, but thankfully one that didn't set the stage for my future trips.

After departing Sudbury and returning to Midland, I felt a more solid footing in my relationships with my siblings, the exact sort of place I wanted, and needed, to be going into what all my oncologists were calling my final year to year and a half of life.

Scrap-Book Post

Science North - Exhibition Space

Summer 2023, the whole of my mother's side of the family got together for a baby shower for one of my cousins. My brothers and I (along with partners) decided to extend the weekend into our own celebration of life for our maternal grandfather.

When we were much younger, my grandparents would take us to Science North, a science centre in Sudbury, Ontario. We'd usually take in a show, his term for any film, but in this context an Imax nature documentary, we'd occasionally visit the exhibition space, especially if there was a dinosaur exhibit (I never grew out of my dinosaur phase) and finally we'd explore the main hall and all its wonders.

We missed the Imax showings this time, they didn't really fit in with my brother's bus trip back to Ottawa, but we did spend time in the wildly lit event space and the main snowflake.

This was the third big outing I had post surgery, the first being the trips from Toronto to Elliot Lake, where I spent my recovery period, and from Elliot Lake back to Midland when I felt capable of living on my own again. This was the first big outing I was excited about, both the family reunion part at the baby shower and the Science North part.

The highlight of the dinosaur exhibit, for me, was the stegosaurus. Stegosaurus has long been my favourite dinosaur. It's not the largest, fastest or strongest, but I adore their plates and spikes and tiny little heads.

Scrap-Book Post

Moving Day! Part 2

I'm at a hotel in Sudbury, my destination for the day. A few things:

• Thomasin is enjoying exploring the hotel room, I also let her out on the car while I was taking bathroom breaks and she loved exploring there, too. She's only left my apartment once since I adopted her, so today is a very big day

• There is a pagent going on in the hotel for adult women. I didn't know those were a thing. It's pretty cool. I chatted with someone I assumed was a judge but who was actually a really enthusiastic participant

• A lot of the tv stations I can receive are American. I will never, ever get used to drug ads. But they're a price I'll pay for The Fifth Element, which is easily the best thing I've ever seen in a hotel

From the comments

Kate Lux: Yeah, there are "Mrs ___" pageants (25-40, I think) and I think ones for seniors too.

James Petrosky: Kate Lux the world can be a strange and beautiful place. It does explain the women my age in prom dresses I saw when I arrived, though. James Petrosky: Even in a strange place like Sudbury, you don't have weddings on a Thursday. Which was the only reason I could think of

Moving Day! Part 1

We're on the move!

From the comments

James Petrosky: *Thomasin is in a carrier when we're actually on the move

**Stefanie Culp: What a solid navigator!

Sarah Marie Yurkiw: I hope it all goes very well.

Tu Biederman: Thomasin is SO CUTE I want to cry

Beverley Singer: She looks like she’s enjoying the ride.

James Petrosky: Beverley Singer she's traveling much better than I expected

Brennan Moline: So much trust in you ❤️

Ryan McGill: This is a GORGEOUS picture.

Chemotherapy, even more of the same and worse

Cycle 3, Day 14

It's been a while. I've lost all my hair. Visited the chemo suite a few times. And been significantly more active outside of my apartment than I was last year. It hasn't been easy, and it's been slow going, but we're more than half way to my next CT scan, which is still a major treatment milestone for me. Like last year, it's two groups of six cycles and a CT scan to complete this treatment plan.

I started this treatment plan with some digestive symptoms, a lot of nausea and vomiting, and a mild-medium pain in my right kidney. Digestive problems remain pretty constant, but the cause is chemotherapy, not cancer, now. At this point I can tell pretty easily. I still experience a fair amount of nausea, but it's limited to the treatment part of the cycle, a huge quality of life improvement. My kidney is doing better, and no longer causes discomfort, but will require monitoring for the rest of my life (it's part of my standard bloodwork, though). We're back in the swing of things, the rhythm of treatment is normal again, and it feels as good as this sort of thing can.

From the comments

James Petrosky:

James Petrosky: It's harder for me to talk about things this time around. It's all so normal now. It's cycle three, but it's also cycle twentyish. I don't have anything new or interesting to say about chemotherapy. And we're not working towards something exciting, we're doing it all because it's part of the assumptions that go into the prognosis calculation. It's how I get my year. Which is hugely meaningful to me, and those around me, but it's not sexy like major surgery. Human beings will adjust to anything.

Touring Northern Ontario

Last Thursday, the 3rd, I met with my oncologist to plan when I'd restart treatment. My blood counts have never been particularly useful (even though I have advanced disease, they've never been above the cutoff point where we'd start to worry about them), but they're still lower than when I started treatment a year ago. The CT scan showed no new tumors in the scan area (I think head and legs are outside, and we know the pelvic area isn't imagable), including in lungs, liver, and bones. The existing appendix tumor remains, but is still around the size it was. It's difficult to image the diffuse tumor on the fatty layer that protects the abdominal organs, so there are still unknowns, but we've decided to delay our decision for a few months. This means they in late September and early October, I'll be doing the same round of tests again to see if I need treatment then. This is fantastic news for my incision, which will get the time to heal properly for sure now.

Over the weekend my partner and I traveled to Elliot Lake to attend a family reunion/baby shower in Espanola. Nearly everyone was there, including the enormous and adorable baby, and it was a fantastic time. I didn't realize how much more recovery I had to do, though, I've never been so tired from sitting in the shade all day.

This need for further recovery was repeated Sunday, when my partner and one or my brothers had a tourist day in and around Elliot Lake, and Monday at Science North. Eight months of treatment that saps your strength, followed by a surgery that steals your endurance, and two months of lying around trying not to harm an incision take nearly everything out of you. At least I have two more months to recover.

From the comments

James Petrosky: Anyways, this trip crossed The Atom, three trading posts and Science North off my todo list (which is a physical list on real paper in an actual notebook now (it has a dog in a doughnut on the cover). Meeting the baby was the purpose of the trip, but some light multitasking is good

I did not hold the baby because I was exhausted by the time I arrived and he likes to kick, which would have been bad for my incision. I hope I'll be able to rectify this soon

James Petrosky: I forgot to include the best dinosaur 😮

Trying to see everyone

Sunday

Its been a whirlwind weekend, with the notice that Mt Sinai gave me there was no possible way to spend time with everyone I'd have liked to, but I managed to spend time with my immediate family, my partner, and a close friend. It was largely joyous, but we all know that this procedure comes with real risk.

I'd bet that end of life planning of any sort is strange and uncomfortable at any age, but it's completely unreal at 36. So is going through a list of organs, discussing how you'd feel about them being partially or completely removed. What sort of trade offs you'd make in terms of quality of life to get more time. But some of these conversations are necessary, some are inevitable, and some just sort of happen.

I don't expect a bad outcome. I wouldn't have consented to this operation if the expected outcome did not improve my prognosis. And I'm doing my best to focus on that.

From the comments

James Petrosky: I'm doing pretty well, anxiety is overall at a lower level and peaks are neither as sharp or frequent as last week. There's much to do this week, but I have excellent support.

James Petrosky: Bonus Bessie