I have a CT scan in an hour.
I've had anxiety about CT scans before. But treatment reduced or eliminated symptoms, so in my memory I wasn't too worried.
I have no confidence about this one. Symptoms are tolerable, but measurably worse. And the source of the agonizing pain, the primary symptom that told me something was wrong, has been eliminated perminantly twice over.
I'm in the dark. I don't talk to my oncologist until after Thanksgiving.
I'm tired. I don't want to be a professional cancer patient anymore. I just want this to be over.
But that's not available to me.
From the comments
James Petrosky: Thanksgiving is October 9fh. I see my oncologist on the 11th.
James Petrosky: It went fine. My physical reaction to the machine and the contrast was the same as always. I think my anxiety spike is getting worse each time, but I don't really remember the scan I had in the spring very well now, and my anxiety has been much worse post surgery.
Cycle 6, Day 10
The bone pain was excruciating, second worst continuous pain I've ever felt in my life, but fortunately only lasted two days. And I was able to be active, it really only hurt when I tried to rest. I did all my Decemberween projects during the worst of it. Don't recommend, but I know what to expect next time, so I'm not afraid or anxious about facing it again.
I'm pretty open about almost everything I'm going through. For reasons I cannot explain, sharing extremely private information about my diagnosis, prognosis, etc., is second nature to me. It would feel strange for me not to share. But the fact that I'm stuck inside my apartment several days a week because of diharea (colloquially, although much of the time medically) seems to embarrassing or crass to share. But I'm feeling spicy today, so here's the facts: bowl cancer, chemotherapy, and more than a few of the other medications I'm on really screw things up, I keep immodium on my person at all times (and have since the spring). I've made it work, but I've missed out on a lot of stuff I've wanted to do (nothing planned, but nice days for walls and such).
Humans will adjust to damn near anything.
From the comments
James Petrosky: In case you're wondering: it's as delightfully soft and squishy as it looks. 10/10 strong recommend