Halloween
Halloween is the second most important day of the calendar year (second only to August 2nd, my Cancervercery). So important that the collage I constructed is chaotic and wonderful compared to what's come before.
I want to see another Halloween. Halloween is my present stretch goal at 112 hospice days, if I make it past Thanksgiving I'll make some plans for it.
I'm going* to see another Thanksgiving. I'm going to enjoy the best turkey drumstick (with the crispiest, best spiced skin) and pumpkin pie (with real whipped cream). Obviously, I'm sharing that turkey with the poodles. Thanksgiving is at day 95.
Today, I've lived in hospice for 73 days. I've been in hospital longer, but we count from my happy hospice home, the place all you wonderful people came to visit me and brighten my life. And here's hoping the second best holiday gets to do the same.
*In case error, enjoy an autumn sunset with your favourite seasonal drink. I'm fond of pumpkin spice ice caps, cellar temperature Guinness (the zero alcohol is excellent and what I'd be drinking), extra chocolatey hot chocolate, vanilla porters (any brand, alcohol free or otherwise), Coke (obviously), or a perfect glass of ice water (ideally sourced from the Canadian Shield, but not required). Repeat annually as memorial as desired.
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Thomasin Visit
After a long hiatus, Thomasin finally made it back to hospice yesterday! Her first visits were very tentative, and it took her ages to leave the kennel. This time was more of a "to hell with these bars, there's exploring to do," and much exploring was done.
Today she really showed off her gregarious personality, love of exploration and just a little bit of daring. The exact combination that brought her from a successful street beggar cat in Balm Beach to become the chubby, hqppy well cared for house cat she's bedom these years later.
It's nice to know that she's still got all those skills, though.
She's never been a grudge cat, so if she happened to be holding a fridge for moving her from the only home we've ever known (Balm Beach) only to abandon her shortly after for the hospital, she was over it in fifteen minutes of exploring and several cat treats. I think that's just how long it took her to calm down. Hopefully next time she's sleepier, and the weather is cooler, and we can share that little nap.
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Toronto Zoo
The Toronto Zoo is one of my partner, Alicia's, favourite places in the world. And over the course of our relationship, in the various forms it's taken, it's become one of mine as well.
As friends, it was a group outing we'd almost always both attend. Alicia, because she was the driving force behind nearly every zoo trip I ever went on. Me, because I went with the flow and an afternoon with friends and cool animals was always a delight. These trips were usually taken in the heat of the summer (now, as a zoo expert, I know know that summer is a fool's time to visit the zoo, it's full of children and the animals are all asleep, but, as groups, this is the time we had together).
Years later, and after many more trips, Alicia and my first real date was to the zoo. We knew we were a thing, of sorts, the day before. We'd had our conversation, started to define the nature of what we would be (which lasted about a month, before we realized we were just another romantic couple (attached, polyamourously, to another romantic couple, Alicia and her wife, Catherine)). That was the most memorable trip to the zoo I've ever taken, although I'll be damned if I remember much of the animal content of the trip. It was late August, 2018, it was hot, and the animals were all sleepy. The parrots were entertaining, monkeys rambunctious, and we drank so very much bluraspberry slushy (because we always did). The zoo membership discount was a compelling and silly argument to always have more, while the powerful daystar beating down upon us was a powerful and overwhelming argument in favour of hydration by that delicious fruitish flavoured drink.
The big cats are still an impressive sight in the heat of the sun. They're what I remember best from that trip. Basking all together, the lions especially retain their majesty and wonder more than most other animals, although a pack of wolves (which we did not see that day) can have similar effect. The tigers are somewhat less impressive, but sprawled out in the shade of their enclosures, but still radiate their beauty. Alicia and I are fundamentally cat people (even if I'm a pretty even split on dogs), observing the big cats do anything, even if it's as close to literally nothing as possible, is still a treat for us. Its an opportunity to pretend that our house cats are like the big cats. Thomasin is a Sumatran tiger, stalking the underbrush. Nemo, Alicia's cat (a sleek black house panther if there ever was one) is most like the clouded leopard, the way they both move through the trees (or bookcases, in Nemo's case) is similarly mesmerizing.
The zoo is a place that I will always think of as an us place, maybe even The Us Place, a place where we could always just be a couple. We haven't always been able to be out, career's and religion don't always agree with polyamory (or our bisexuality, but mercifully that was rarely a concern), but the zoo was far enough away from home that it was always safe to just be us, and to be an Us.
The zoo is Alicia's natural date location. A good date doesn't have to include the zoo, but a great date is going to have a targeted zoo visit. One where you pick a section and thoroughly explore it, planning things so you get to see a feeding (ideally the otters) and maybe a zookeeper talk. The whole zoo is too big for a day, and it took me a long time to realize this. The whole zoo is for tourists and families and school outings. A zoo date visits a third of the animals, then departs before you're too exhausted to enjoy a nice dinner.
Toronto has all the dinner options one could want, and we'd generally pick some nationality of food that's harder to get to in the Midland area, often stopping for dimsum before the zoo or whatever east Asian option struck our fancy as we were leaving. I generally did the legwork picking some restaurants so we'd have an easy time dealing with choice paralysis on the way home. We always ate well.
During the pandemic, these outings became how we saw each other. Which so much outside time, we didn't have to stress as hard about transmission. This became even more true after I got diagnosed with cancer and started chemotherapy. The outdoor portions let us be close, because I was always immunocompromised and Alicia is a primary school teacher. A difficult combination any time, but especially with covid-19 still surging. These outings are where we got to play pretend things were normal, and have our dates.
After the first round of chemo ended, and my surgery failed, we started taking a lot more risks. Zoo trips became more normal and frequent. We spent more time inside the pavilions, greenhouses and other indoor spaces. At the worst moment in my life, we had a special place to visit, to spend time at, and to enjoy the big cats and fatrounds. It took months before I was well enough to make the trip, but it was a highlight of that adventuring period in my life.
The Toronto Zoo did not start as a special place to me. I grew up too far away, it was a neat commercial I'd see on TV sometimes, on par with Marine Land and the occasional cross border ad for an American zoo or aquarium or African Lion Safari or similar. But it's a special place to me now, one of the most special and important in the world. Home to most of my favourite fatrounds, all of my favourite non-house-cats, and more memories than I'd care to count.
Of all the adventures I can no longer have, it's the one I'd jump at first for a do over. Fall's nearly here, the weather is just right for the large carnivores to be active, and soon Alicia will have a small break in her work schedule, just after report cards are in (school just started a week or two ago, but that's how school does), and we could have one more perfect little afternoon.
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Surprise Visit!
Yesterday, I left the hospital for a few hours to visit my apartment, visit my parents for dinner, and most importantly visit a pretty little orange tabby with an enormous head.
She was a bit shy at first, but warmed to me and the extra set of hands petting her quickly. She's the sole resident of my apartment right now, but gets plenty of visits from everyone and lots of attention. I'd rather her live with me at the hospital, but logistically that's not possible.
We're still working on getting her settled in with the dogs, but there was a but if a medical setback during the heat wave we need to address first. Things are still looking good for her, though, and I'm not losing sleep over her just yet.
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