We've earned some more nice things I think.
James Petrosky: I don't reallt care how any individual person reacts to this, live your life, but it's goosing wild to put your cat group into mourning, with no posts for a day
Had a good day, saw a relative, received an amazing gift, went to a restaurant with a 2nd floor porch patio overlooking the beach. A good day. But the bottom still fell out. I'm not alone, I've never had more support (and Thomasin has never been more clingy), but I still feel that way. The feeling passes, but it is powerful.
Early morning, with Felexine. I haven't really slept well at all, the pain has been too intense. I don't think anything has changed with disease progression since last week, I think it has to be behavioural. I'm pretty constipated from the T3s, and that is at least part of it. I need to call my nurse practitioner about work paperwork regardless, so I'll ask then.
I'm going into work this morning to hand in my short term disability paperwork. And to tell the final people who don't know what's going on, and telling them I'll be away for at least six months. I was dreading this all last week, but after Friday it doesn't seem nearly as bad. The benefit of perspective, I guess. Everyone's going to be supportive, but it's still going to be an exhausting morning.
Maurice and I, exhausted at the end of the day. Turns out the 5km and the agonizing pain of the drive home (just 20 minutes, but a 20 minutes that stretched forever) was overdoing it. I've barely been out of bed since, except to be bad at labour solidarity and buy some pizza.
The fatigue has crept up on me so carefully and quietly that I only noticed after it became completely overwhelming.
I still experience happiness and joy, and am still driven by hope, and these things aren't failing. But I'm just so tired now.
Thank you, everyone, for your kindness and your words and your attention. It's so much easier to stay hopeful when I feel noticed, seen, wanted. You're all amazing ❤️
Afternoon. I over did it on the walk. I nearly pulled over several times during the drive home because sitting is one of the worst positions to be on, but walking is fine, and helps a lot in the short term. I want to be able to drive myself to most of my appointments, but if it keeps up like this, I'm not going to be able to. Long term I have significantly more existential fears, but short term it's all about losing normal, and I'm terrified of losing the normal of mobility in my life. I have enough friends and family to get me through this if I do, but it would be devistating for my mental health.
Morning. I'm a side sleeper, and I haven't been able to side sleep for months and months because of the cancer pain. Even now I'm still not good enough at sleeping propped up that I can reliably get a good night's sleep. Last night I did not sleep well, which is fine, I'll just need a nap later.
Nessie and her soft soft corderoy belly is mg favourite Squish. I set them up on the other side of the bed, but she's always within reach if I need a quick squish. I should have gotten something like this years ago, it's so pleasant and comforting. Don't be too adult or manly or whatever for something to squeeze.
This was written on September 4th, 2022
Post solo trip, celebrating with my new friend Nessie, plus also Chip and of course Thomasin. It was a simple, but perfect, day ❤️
"Do you want a gift receipt"
"No I am an adult and me and my new friend Nessie are going home to watch monster movies together"
James Petrosky: Things you wish you said after the situation is over.
James Petrosky: We are going to take T3s and watch monster movies, though. Obviously Chip and Thomasin will be there, too.
James Petrosky: I wasn't sure this was the right one in the store, but turning around and seeing her smiling face tells me it was.
James Petrosky: My deal with myself is that every major cancer milestone I get to add something silly and cute to my plush collection. Today it was almost a giant Bulbasaur, but Nessie was a lot softer
I adopted a new friend
