Cancer Selfies

The dye job: Before bleaching

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Before bleaching

The dye job: Morning of

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Morning. I've always toyed with the idea of dying my hair, but I had figured the point in my life where it made sense had passed. I work in a fairly conservative workplace and it made more sense to let this particular thing go. But with the threat of losing my hair looming? Heck no we're doing this shit.

Later, in the dark of the night

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Bed time, making the best of it. I really like narwhals a lot. They're just so silly looking, and Nabila the pastel tie dye narhwal is great ❤️

A visit with the oncologist

This was written on September 4th, 2022

A month less a day earlier, I learned I had cancer. In two weeks from today, I start chemotherapy. I don't want to rank my bad days, but these two are easily the worst of them. Its only through the power of amazing sushi (and my wonderful partner) that I look so calm here, because there do not exist words for how I felt.

Out goes the 1 Squishmellow per procedure plan, might as well just pile them on (Maggie the manta ray, Nabila the narhwal, Maurice the moose).

I never made it to work that day. So I never got to tell the people I wanted to in person. I'm sorry for that, but I can still barely function when writing this on the 4th.

From the comments

James: I have to tie my hair back to wear my N95 masks, I don't love how it looks but fashion must be sacraficed for health

Done work for ???

I reflected on this on September 1, 2023 This was written on September 4th, 2022

After my shift. I rarely take photos of myself at work. I like my uniform, it's extremely practical. These are some of the only photos that exist of me in it. I had promised myself that I'd take Friday off if it didn't go great, and I guess I was doing the "hope for the best plan for the worst" thing.

The last day of work before treatment

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Hours before what I didn't yet realize is my last shift for months. I felt good about it. Tomorrow, I'd get all the information from the oncologist and fill in everyone at work I cared about enough to want to tell. I was right about the shift, it was a great one to go out on, I was wrong about Friday.

After a day trip to Barrie, Ontario

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Post solo trip, celebrating with my new friend Nessie, plus also Chip and of course Thomasin. It was a simple, but perfect, day ❤️

Post colonoscopy (with good results, given the situation)

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Saturday after colonoscopy. I'd told my boss the previous week, and HR earlier this one, so the strong separation I had between work and everything else was breaking down. I had promised myself that I could get one (1) Squishmellow friend per procedure so I was excited that I was going to get one today. This was going to be my first solo trip since before I got Covid-19 (and before this nightmare started) that I was looking forward to. It was a great day ❤️

Appointent Friday

I meet with an oncologist next Friday

From the comments

James Petrosky: I love all the reacts, but I'm very excited. I'm also upset at Zucc for taking the good backgrounds away and durining my character into a weird stress ball texture.

Faking it for the maintenance team

It was hard enough to give a fuck at work before, why do I expect myself to do this?*

*I'm doing it to pretend things are normal in a way that isn't dangerous for as long as I can but holy fuck

From the comments

Jon Muggleton: Right with you, buddy. I may not be exactly where you're at, but I've felt the same way since I came back.

Gena Radcliffe: Yeah, I get this.

Anthony Daley Di Poce: I absolutely love your ability to do this. I thank Ra that I work at home with my wife. I would spill the beans day one if I still worked in the office. I am shit at hiding anything.

Anthony Daley Di Poce: Love, respect, and admire. James Petrosky: Anthony Daley Di Poce okay but what do you think of the internal manic chaos bisexual in me's plan to reveal it by dying my hair purple and then, when asked why I did it, saying that I'm starting chemo soon and I wanted to try while I could? Anthony Daley Di Poce*: James Petrosky (emperor voice) "Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen."

Late night selfies

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Nearly midnight, almost forgot today, which would have been the end of the project. They're bad, but they exist, which is what matters.

An important decision

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Today I consciously decided to try and take more photos of myself, after decades of doing my best to not be in anything. I'm not good at it, but I'm trying.

An evening at the breakwater

I reflected on this on August 21, 2023

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Back at home after Barrie trip, at the Balm Beach breakwater. Look, I'm 35, I know I'm bad at selfies, and I would normally only share the really good ones. But that isn't what this album is about.

The results are in, its appendex cancer

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Two days earlier, all the information I learned on the 3rd was confirmed through additional testing. This was the day I started sharing much more widely. This was a very bad week. Thomasin, as always, was a great comfort

A visit to Thornbury antiques

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Junk store fun

The day after the biopsy

This was written on September 4th, 2022

The day after the appendix biopsy. The biopsy itself wasn't too bad, I generally take freezings well, but the position they had me in made my belly hurt in a way I didn't think pain could. 0/10.

Back from Northern Ontario, still working

This was written on September 4th, 2022

At home after work, biopsy of my appendix had been scheduled, but had not happened. Family and a few close friends know, but no one else.

I told my parents today

This was written on September 4th, 2022

With my best gal, Bessie. Annie instinctively overcame her weird anxiety for me when I arrived, which was wonderful, but Bessie has always been this sort of delight for me ❤️

There are a lot of tests

This was written on September 4th, 2022

A lot of new tests had been scheduled, I knew I was driving five hours to Elliott Lake the next day and was dreading it. I'd been planning this visit for months (it got changed up a bit because I got Covid-19, and then again the day before, because I no longer had the energy for big trips and now needed to be nearer an emergency room I didn't think Chapleau could provide)

I learned I had cancer today

This was written on September 4th, 2022

Big-Head-Tiny-Body comforts me after the worst phone call I've ever recieved